What I've Done
by RT4ever
Summary: Okay obviously a postFreak Nation story...Short and complete...Please reply if you read. Thanks. I hope you enjoy....ML
1. Part One

Okay so while I don't know if you guys are going to like this story. I want to thank you for liking and replying to the other stories. Well anyway here it is all short and finished.

* * *

Max Voiceover- 

Yea, just look at what I've done.

I know Logan had been proud of me as they raised that flag…I know those words meant that I had become everything he knew I was capable of being from the first day we met, but I'd be lying to say that this is what I wanted.

I mean yea I'm proud of who I am, I can honestly say that now. For so many years I was disgusted by the fact that I wasn't like everyone else, I had impulses I couldn't control, I could never just blend in like I always wanted to.

But this isn't what I wanted for my life.

I didn't want to be a leader of a nation of freaks.

I just wanted to blend in…Be normal.

I would never admit this to anyone, but there are so many times that I wish I never went back to Manticore…Never followed Lydecker's plan.

I would be with Logan right now, sitting on his couch with a bottle of wine in front of us. He'd be explaining some great travesty that was going on in the world, I'd occasionally grab the remote and see what was on tv. You had to do that with Logan, even though I'd be decently captivated by his words…okay not really his words more of the sounds of those words. He could say blah blah woof woof for hours and I would hang on every word.

He smiles at me from the platform as I walk back inside. He's doing something on the computers, he's always doing something on those damn computers.

I smile to myself thinking of all the times I thought of sneaking in and bashing them as he slept and throwing that damn phone of his out of a window.

But just as soon as that happy memory hits me, I realize it's over. Logan's apartment is no more, my job is no more, my anonymity is no more, just like we are no more and chances are we won't find a cure before one of us gets taken out in this war.

There's this overwhelming sadness that hasn't left me in all the months I've been home, the depression that settles in when I remember that life doesn't have a rewind button. All I want is to feel the safety of his arms again, his arms minus the layers of protection that I still worry about, worry that the evil that resides within me will find a way out to pollute him. There's nothing I can do about that though, so I have to push it to the side like always and go see about keeping all these people safe for at least another day.


	2. Part Two

"We're going to have to find you a new look."

He startles me, even though I was walking into his house I didn't expect for him to be standing there waiting.

I smile, "What you mean because they have dozens of pics of me?"

"If it makes you feel better they don't have a good face shot, it's just kinda a blur." he says walking into the living room, leaving me to follow him.

"So what are you thinking?"

He's smiling as he turns, "Remember when we went after Sparacino"

"You want me to walk around in a short skirt and fishnets until we all figure out how to all join hands and sing Kumbaya?"

His eyes twinkle, "Were you in fishnets?" He smiles, "I was thinking more of just the blonde wig."

"Yea because platinum hair isn't noticeable."

"Max, you could be dressed in a tarp and still be noticeable."

This conversation is totally not one I was expecting, but is pretty similar to all of the hand holding as of late. "So you haven't asked why I came by."

"You don't need a reason to stop by."

"Oh that's good because I just really wanted a reason to get out of Terminal City."

I look around "So" I say with a nod of my head "I like what you've done with the place." The house is just as messy as Joshua left it and so incredibly unlike Logan.

"Yea I've been kind of focused getting Eyes Only up and running again I haven't really had the time to do…" he looked around at the mess "anything with the place."

"Well at least you have enough art for the walls."

"Yea" he walks over at a stack of Joshua's paintings leaning up against a wall and flips through them, "Okay you know I love all art, but do some of his paintings scare you?"

I can't help but laugh, Logan the man who thought splatter was art, "I thought I was alone on that." I look around and realize there's one propped up on the fireplace, "Well you put one up already"

He looks at it, the sensuous, strong lines, the darkness of the black contrasted with the white of the remaining canvas and the fiery red lines. He bites his lip as he looks at me, slightly embarrassed "It's titled Max"

"That's me?" I say raising an eyebrow

"Is it really sad that I recognized that as you without being told by Joshua?"

"We're going to blame that on your love of art." I look at it again and see nothing "So how could you see this was me?"

"Well obviously it's not your physical self, it's your soul Max, your incredible strength combined with your weakness, your humanity." His cheeks flush a bit "You know what I'm going to shut up now. It's that whole poem thing all over again." He laughs and I give a quick uncomfortable chuckle.

There's a lull in the conversation and we both get even more uncomfortable real quick. I see the suit and am grateful.

"So that was pretty cool with the jumping on the car thing."

"Uh yea"

Okay I can see what he's thinking, that happened four days ago… "With all the chaos that was going on I never got to…"

"Yea, no…It's fine, now that I don't need to keep me upright it's uh pretty cool."

"It was pretty cool when all it was doing was making you walk."

Dammit Max, why the hell did you say that. We're both thinking of our anniversary now and how I once more screwed everything up.

"Uh, so what did the Doc say about you staying vertical this time around?"

"I have no idea, Carr left remember?"

Mentally kicking myself, "Oh that's right. I'm sorry"

"Don't be…I'll find another doctor."

"What about Shankar?"

"Harbor Lights doesn't really have the same resources that Crestview had."

"It'll all work out."

"I know it will. So what about the hair? Actually maybe I'll get you a selection of wigs for daytime use. Dark probably works best for your other activities, so you won't want to dye it."

"I'll have Original Cindy get on it….I think she might be better at that stuff than you."

"What you didn't like the one I picked out for you before?"

"I think you enjoyed it a little too much" I stop laughing abruptly, _what the hell do I keep doing?_

He gets serious, "Max we should talk."

Dammit, dammit, dammit. "About what?"

"About the fact that you lied to me about Alec being your boyfriend." his eyes connect with mine, trapping them.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Max, I know it's a lie." he smiles a bit

I groan, "He said he wouldn't tell."

"He didn't, you did." he looks at me with compassion

I simply looked at him puzzled.

"It was either you lied about Alec or you were a horrible girlfriend."

"Probably didn't help that I said that thing about being your girlfriend."

He laughs "Yea that was what pretty much what tipped me off on this."

I shake my head, "It was just easier."

"Easier for whom exactly?"

"Both of us… You know easier for me not to kill you… Easier for you to stay alive."

"Max I hate to break this to you, but there's a war going on out there."

Why did he say that? Doesn't he know I don't want to think about that. I don't want to think of what could have happened when he jumped up to take out that sniper, when he provided the cover fire to get us back in the building…_I can't bear to think about those things. _ "What's that supposed to mean?"

"We aren't guaranteed a tomorrow anymore. I mean before it was easier, jobs went bad, they didn't go how we planned, but we planned them, we knew when to expect them for the most part. But now…Everyone's gunning for you, Max."

"That's just the thing, they're gunning for me, not you."

"This isn't your fight alone."

"This shouldn't be your fight."

"But it is…the moment I met you…your world became mine, just like mine became yours. Why'd you help me out all those times Max? Why'd you go on every single mission I asked you to go on, even when you didn't agree with me?"

"I was afraid you'd end up getting yourself shot again and that you wouldn't be so lucky as to just lose your legs."

"See that's just the thing Max, it's the same with me. I'm not the greatest help, I don't have Alec's strength."

"Yea you've just got the brains that figures everything out."

He smiles "That's only because I'm the one whose sole job is sitting in front of a computer all day. How did we get onto this subject?"

"I have no idea."

"Okay well the point is I am incredibly glad you are not with Alec."

I can't help but laugh

"Hush up I'm not done, as incredibly grateful I am that you are not with Alec, I'm saddened also. I want you to be happy Max and while personally I think we could be happiest together not being able to touch than being able to touch someone else, it's not my decision to make."

"I'm happiest that way Logan, but how many times do I have to almost kill you for you to realize that we can't be together. One of these days it's going to happen, I'm going to touch you or you're going to grab me again and you're going to die."

"And like I was saying Max, I could die tomorrow, how would you feel then? You can't keep me safe from the world Max as much as you want to be able to, you can't."

"What happens if we don't beat this thing?"

"Which thing are you talking about? The virus? The breeding cult? White, though he does just fall under the cult category. Or the fact that the country is against the transgenic community?"

"Am I a horrible person for caring the most about the virus?"

"Why would you be a terrible person for that?"

"I think I wouldn't have helped hundreds of innocent people rather than risk hurt you. I would have never gone into Manticore, even knowing that I would be setting these people free, if I knew that at any single moment, one act of stupidity could cause your death. You really are my family Logan, you're my family more than anyone else and I hate that about myself."

"Well hey Max you want to know something? You're never going to have to chose between me and them, so you have nothing to feel guilty about. And as Josh would say "This virus bitch is going down." Anything further that he says I'm going to not mention at the time."

I can't help but smile, "And I thank you for that."

"Ah screw it I'm mentioning it, I had to think of you and Alec.." Logan shudders

"Hey, I had to pretend like I was, trust me it was worse for me."

"Well the point is Max, even if we find a cure just for a half hour, I'm throwing you to the floor."

I can'tstop my mouth from slightly dropping and forming a small O. The Logan I was never prepared for, the total guy Logan, not my caring, sympathetic, romantic Logan, it was the what's wrong with dating two girls Logan.

"Hmm, probably shouldn't have said that, but I've spent over a month thinking there was something going on between you and Alec."

Move to a new topic Max, my inner voice tells me. "Was it Alec that made you so angry or just the fact that it wasn't you?"

"Combination. I like Alec, don't get me wrong, but…"

"But what?"

"I don't know, he is a good guy though."

"I had a dream that you and Asha were making out at Crash. I really hate her by the way."

Logan laughs, "There's never been anything between us."

"I know" I frown "You want to know something even worse. It wasn't even you in my dream, just two look-alikes, how are you even faithful in my nightmares?"

He just laughs at me as he sits down and I realize we had had this whole breakthrough while pacing.

"So what are we doing?" I say sitting down across from him

"We're gonna make it through this Max" and he looks down at his hands, his bare hands "I wish I had been expecting you."

"We're going to go through a lot of gloves aren't we?"

"Yea, but we're going to get through this. We've just got to stay strong. Max, you died and we stayed strong. Every night, hell every day I thought about the day you would come back to me."

"The thought of coming home is what kept me strong."

"Have it keep you strong again Max. We're gonna beat this, even if we never beat the virus, we won't let them keep us apart again, they don't get that power." He leans closer "God I wish I could kiss you."

I sit back removing the temptation and laugh, "This is gonna suck."

He nods as he stands, "Come on I've got a bottle of wine in the kitchen."

I just smile as I follow him, we're back on track...again and I have a feeling that this was the last screw up we'rere gonna need.


	3. Part Three

Logan was right, we did make it through it. Eight and a half months later, back up popped Lydecker and all of his connections, but Logan didn't throw me to the floor because while Joshua's stem cells worked longer than mine, they didn't work forever, but they hadn't conked out completely either.

I snuck into his house, bypassing all of the security features he's spent so many hours planning. It was almost 3am and I knew he'd be in bed, we all slept well nowadays because despite how much there was to worry about, there was enough work to always tire us out.

* * *

"Logan?" I whisper softly, pushing back a strand of hair that had fallen forward, it was starting to get long again, I had to get Original Cindy on him to get it cut.

He's probably one of the cutest sleepers in the world, he's definitely the cutest one I'd ever seen. He alway says that I look, graceful, angelic, sensuous when I sleep, he looks like a little boy, which probably makes it a little freaky because of how much I want him. I brush my hand across his cheek and whisper his name again.

"Hmm?" his eyes slightly open "Max?"

"Mmmhmm" I get choked up, I can't speak, now that the time is here again I'm at a total loss once more.

He realizes my hand on his face, "You're not wearing gloves?"

I shake my head

He extends his hand out and touches my cheek in turn "Am I dreaming?"

Once more I shake my head

"Come here" he says making room on the bed next to him, his eyes never losing contact with mine

"What about it being perfect and candlelight?"

He laughs, "It's 3am as much as I love you Max I'm exhausted, I'm not getting up to put on that suit and make you a meal. Now get in here and go to sleep."

"Sleep?" I say as my mouth drops, _sleep?_ After two and a half years the man wants to sleep?

"I've been up since 6am and in bed for a whole twenty minutes. Get in here and sleep." He lifts up the sheet.

"Sleep?" my mouth stays down still astonished

"Sleep" he confirms.

I just shake my head and start to strip, all while Logan is watching from his pillow…Almost 3 years and all he wants to do is sleep? He lifts the sheet back up when I'm down to my undies and suddenly I was rather glad I'd actually managed put pull on a semi matching bra and underwear set this morning, I'm pretty sure he couldn't tell the difference in blacks. I'm grumbling to myself as I slip in between the sheets he was so patiently holding up for me. "Good night" I force myself to say. Then suddenly I feel his lips on my neck. "I thought you were sleepy"

"I lied"

I turn over to see him smiling

"I can't throw you to the floor like I promised so I had to be a little manipulative."

"You sure you're not too tired?" I try to look serious

"Not in the least" he says capturing my lips

* * *

"Hey Max" he says as I'm drifting off to sleep

"Hmm?"

I feel his breath still from my position on his chest, I look up at him and he's staring down at me, he smiles, "Nothing"

"You sure?" I respond with my own smile

"Yea" he nods "there aren't really any words left."

I smile as my head drops back down and he strokes the back of my head as he falls asleep. All the words have been said, we're beyond them now. The word love is insignificant, true love that's what my girl called Logan, it pales to what he is. I listen to his heartbeat and his deep and steady breathes, I have one final thought before I join him in sleep. I'm home, Logan is my home.


End file.
